i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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