i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
