She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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