either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
