this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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