A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize