We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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