i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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