The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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