Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
