Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
