It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
