Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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