Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
