We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
