you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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