I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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