woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize