Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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