More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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