is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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