So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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