Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize