let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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