i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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