i don't like sucking hair
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
