Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
