i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
