Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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