i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
