Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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