Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
