I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
