? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
