Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
