If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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