Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
