What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
