Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
