The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
