We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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