Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
