There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
