none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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