just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
