Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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