Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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