I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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