That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
