I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
