Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
