If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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