So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
