it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
