Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
