so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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