lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
