y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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