So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize