I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
