I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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