Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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