yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
