My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
